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The Lounge Off Topic PG-13. Introductions, cars, movies, work, relationships, etc.

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Old 04-14-2008, 10:16 PM   #1
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Dating Contract for your daughter

****APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER****

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a
complete financial statement, job history,
lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.



NAME_________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT__________ WEIGHT__________
IQ__________GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES______________________________
HOME ADDRESS_________________________ CITY/STATE_______________ ZIP______


Do you have parents?__Yes __No

Is one male and the other female?__Yes __No
If No, explain: _______________________________
_________________________________________

Number of years they have been married____________
If less than your age, explain___________________________________________ ________________________________________________



ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van?
__Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires?__Yes __No
C. A waterbed?__Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?
__Yes __No
E. A tattoo?__Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
__Yes __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE'
mean to you?____________________________________
______________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH
MY DAUGHTER' mean to you? ________________________
______________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE'
mean to you? ___________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ? __Yes __No

How often you attend ?__________________

When would be the best time to interview your:
Father? __________ Mother? ___________
Pastor? ___________



SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:
______________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
______________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:_________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
______________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
_____________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _________


I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_________________________



Mother's Signature________________

Father's Signature ___________________

Pastor________________

Priest_________________

Rabbi_________________

State Representative__________________

Congressman________________



Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try
to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might want to watch your back)



To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.

Daddy's Rules for Dating

Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
Do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age
to w ear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to
ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each
other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities
to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her
throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake
the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the
guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine!


Are you sure you want to date my daughter?

Sign here again ___________________

Notory__________________

Date____________
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Old 04-14-2008, 10:22 PM   #2
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Nice lol i'm printin that for a guy at work who has a hot daughter to bad i'm married lol
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Old 04-14-2008, 10:22 PM   #3
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I tried to get my daughters to have these forms submitted prior to dating. I even printed them up and gave them to my kids (2 girls)
I have rarely ever seen their boyfriends.
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Old 04-14-2008, 10:23 PM   #4
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at least you know if the person does complete the application, they are trust worthy lol
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Old 04-14-2008, 10:28 PM   #5
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Very nice. I lol'd.
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Old 04-14-2008, 11:26 PM   #6
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lol thats pretty great. i love the chopper hanoi one.
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Old 04-14-2008, 11:59 PM   #7
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That is hilarious! I hope i don't come across one of these!
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Old 04-16-2008, 12:42 AM   #8
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espanol por favor
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Old 04-16-2008, 12:44 AM   #9
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I filled it out

alright, whose daughter am I banging first?!
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Old 04-16-2008, 12:51 AM   #10
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Tagged for work!
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Old 04-16-2008, 12:52 AM   #11
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I filled out the first one last week for my girls dad
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Old 04-16-2008, 01:05 AM   #12
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That is great!!! I am going to save it incase I ever have a daughter
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Old 04-16-2008, 01:07 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by firedude71_60 View Post
That is great!!! I am going to save it incase I ever have a daughter
if you do I'm first to tag it! woo
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Old 04-16-2008, 07:00 AM   #14
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looks the form you have to fill out even sit in my camaro hehehe
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Old 04-16-2008, 08:49 AM   #15
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That's great! I'll be saving this one for when my daughter gets older. She's only 18 months so I pray I have MANY years to go! Not ready to go through this!
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Old 04-16-2008, 09:14 AM   #16
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subscribed... im printin this out when i get home
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Old 04-16-2008, 09:23 AM   #17
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i'm going to have to show this to my gf later. this would be me
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Old 04-16-2008, 09:28 AM   #18
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hahahhahahahahahahahaha
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Old 04-16-2008, 09:29 AM   #19
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That is great!

If I had a daughter, that is exactly what I would do....
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Old 04-16-2008, 09:37 AM   #20
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Hey Rod, you should put of some pictures of said daughters, some one might PM you a filled out application.

just a thought.
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Old 04-16-2008, 11:15 AM   #21
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My dad would love this application
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Old 04-16-2008, 11:15 AM
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