Chuck Norris Facts
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From: www.mp5t.com
Chuck Norris Facts
Thread Starter
Senior Member
Joined: 11-14-05
Posts: 4,425
Likes: 0
From: www.mp5t.com
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
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Joined: 11-10-05
Posts: 13,359
Likes: 5
From: TX
Originally Posted by Brian MP5T
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Chuck Norris hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Senior Member
Joined: 07-18-05
Posts: 5,014
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From: Brighton, IL
Originally Posted by Kahless
the winners. especially the royal flush line. the deal with the chuck norris jokes is that he is a joke. hes supposed to be this big karate champion and a badass but not even the karate world takes him seriously. he doesnt even do his own stunts. he has a twin brother that does them for him because he doesnt want to get hurt. hell jackie chan does all his own stunts and hes as old as chuck.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norris%2C_Chuck
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Joined: 01-26-06
Posts: 2,400
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From: Chicago, IL
Originally Posted by chucknorrisfacts.com
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
New Member
Joined: 05-25-06
Posts: 181
Likes: 1
From: New York
What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in? A roundhouse.
Chuck Norris' house has no doors, he just walks through the walls to get from room to room.
And you can't go wrong with the Jack Bauer facts that came out in response to this...my favorite is:
Jack Bauer named his cat Chuck Norris because Chuck Norris is a *****.
Chuck Norris' house has no doors, he just walks through the walls to get from room to room.
And you can't go wrong with the Jack Bauer facts that came out in response to this...my favorite is:
Jack Bauer named his cat Chuck Norris because Chuck Norris is a *****.
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Joined: 06-29-05
Posts: 167
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From: Illinois
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history
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From: Chicago, IL
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
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Joined: 01-26-06
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From: Chicago, IL
Originally Posted by Young Money
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history
Mastadon!
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Joined: 09-09-05
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From: Grayslake, IL
A coworker of mine has a daily calendar with a Chuck Norris fact. Never, ever gets old!
Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
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Joined: 05-08-06
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From: Pope AFB, NC
Chuck Norris' Sweat is the main ingredient in Proactive soloution.
Chuck Norris Lost his Virginity Before his Father did.
Behind Chuck Norris' beard is another fist.
Chuck Norris' Tears cure cancer, the problem is Chuck Norris Never Cries.
Chuck Norris Died in 1986 , but death is too scared to collect him.
Chuck Norris invented Everclear so he could see what a sip of regular beer does to the normal man.
Chuck Norris Lost his Virginity Before his Father did.
Behind Chuck Norris' beard is another fist.
Chuck Norris' Tears cure cancer, the problem is Chuck Norris Never Cries.
Chuck Norris Died in 1986 , but death is too scared to collect him.
Chuck Norris invented Everclear so he could see what a sip of regular beer does to the normal man.
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Joined: 04-28-05
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From: baltimore md
Originally Posted by splink
when chuck norris jumps into the water he doesnt get wet, the water gets chucked
my personal favorite for now!
my personal favorite for now!
when chuck norris does push ups he doesnt push himself up he pushes the ground down
