The adventures of Ole Yeller
The adventures of Ole Yeller
I almost forgot that during the spring of 2009 when my yellow Cobalt SS was still new, I was keeping a log of some of my encounters. These are all true, but I tried my creative writing skills to make them more colorful and fun to read. Enjoy.
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Ole Yeller was taking me home from a hard day of slavin' at da salt mines last week. I was just minding my own bidness at a red light listenin' to da stereo when I hear an ugly rev next to me. I looks up and spies a beater Ford Ranger pick ‘em up truck. Yep, da driver is looking my way with a chit eating grin on his mug. I’m thinking: this boy ain’t right. Da lights are on, but nobody’s home, if ya know what I mean. Da traffic light turns green and the Ranger tears off in a cloud of smoke. Not tire smoke, but stinky blue oil burning smoke from da exhaust. I start out easy in first gear, but Ole Yeller ain’t having none of dat. Next thing I know we be winding out in first and slamming second. Ole Yeller whooshes by the mangy Ranger like it was done sitting still. As we slow back down to a sensible pace, the Ranger slows down too. He won’t pull up next to me no mo. Reckon he was too embarrassed. Maybe he thought SS meant Super Slow?
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Ole Yeller and I was smack dab in bumper to bumper traffic when dis Mustang poontang in da next lane starts actin' a fool. He mashed down on the gas to surge ahead for ten feet and almost bang into the car ahead of him. Then drop back even with me and done did it again. Like what was he thinkin'? He wants a 10 foot race? The Mustbehighstang only had a single exhaust, so it was a 6 banger Mustbeslowstang. Ole Yeller was chompin' at the bit to git a piece of him, but alas, no break in the traffic.
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Ole Yeller got tuned yesterday and be feelin' a little froggy since she can smoke the tires in second gear now. On da way home, dis fancy pants Nissan Skyline passed us and then slowed down to take a look at Ole Yeller. Pretty little car, except for the performance stickers. Reckon that gives the Skyhooklineandsinker at least 20 more horsiepower. We be cruising along at 75 MPH on a four lane highway playing a game of tag with stickers. Too many Sunday drivers out on Saturday to get a clear run. So, Ole Yeller was disappointed again.
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Yelp, tonight on the way back to home sweet home, I was sittin' at a stoplight when I heard a "thump thump thumpity thump" pull up next to me. I glanced over and saw a couple of the brothers from the hood had pulled up in the right lane next to me. They were cruising in a raggity Plymouth Dynasty, probably an early 90's model. They were grooving to something on their stereo and had dem subwoofers workin' overtime. The sound system was probably worth more then the car.
We was both lead cars at the stoplight and a block ahead the right lane ends. Now once in a blue moon, the car in dat right lane don't turn into the budget mart. No sir, once in a blue moon dey try to zip ahead because they is in a big azz hurry and think they is impotent. Da light turns green and they ease out slow and fooled me. I short shifted to second gear thinking the brothers were cool, but then they floored that piece of crapola. Made a terrible sound too.
They done caught me off guard a little and they pull a half a car length. But, Ole Yeller ain't having none of dat. It takes a split second of lag for the turbo to spool up and then I'm holdin' on tight as Ole Yeller spins the tires a bit and zooms off. Quicker than two shakes of a lamb's tail we catch and pass the gangsta rap brothers. My my, did they look surprized as a yellow flash went by. They dropped meekly in behind Ole Yeller. Gotta show 'em their place in the food chain.
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Took Ole Yeller to the drag ‘em strip a couple times to see what she’d do back in the spring of 2009. Had one young feller ask if I had a pulley installed. Had to ‘splain to him dat turbos don’t need no blasted pulleys. He didn’t even know they made turbo Cobalt SS cars, claimed he thought it was a superdupercharger. Got to run a good ole boy in a tuned Sky Redline. He bogged a little at the line which cost him the race, but he still gave me a good run for my money. Kinda felt like a cannibal winning dat race tho.
Got paired up against a brand spankin’ new 2009 Mustang GT. We chewed da fat a little while waiting in the staging lanes. Told him I was running high 13's and he looked a bit green in the gills and said he was running bout the same with twice as many cylinders. Yep, Ole Yeller spanked that mudstain. He didn’t talk to me no mo after dat. Think he was poutin’ and wishin’ he had a Cobalt SS instead of a dime a dozen rustang.
Ole Yeller also done embarrassed a riced out Integra. Yum yum, rice for din din. Done pulled a couple of Greyhounddawg bus lengths on that gaudy fart-can not so fast and furious. Too soon, Junior.
Now den, I can’t tell no lie. Ole Yeller did get beat fair and square by one of those new Dodge-em Challenger SRT8. Generally, I think Mopar no car, but this feller had the driver mod and knew how to use dem extra cylinders. Yep, he done opened up a can of whoop azz on me. But, it didn't bother Ole Yeller too much.
Old Yeller and me lined up against a raggity loud Camaro that was all jacked up in the rear with big wide rear tires. I resisted the urge to tell the driver of the mulletmobile that the 1970's called and wanted their air shocks and wide oval tires back. I fumbled off the starting line like a noob while Mr. Camaro done pulled a holeshot to jump out to a big lead. Ole Yeller finally got some decent boost built up in second gear and started chasing that bad boy down. No lift shift into third gear and then Ole Yeller passed the moldy F-Body on the big end. The Camaro guy looked none too happy, but I let out a hee haw.
Got whipped another time by a nice 4th gen LS1 Camaro Z-28. Knowed I was in trouble when he did a smokey burnout on his drag radials. No shame gittin' beat by a 5.7 liter V8 when Old Yeller merely has 2.0 liters. Ran a respectable 13.7 ET as we chased those Z-28 taillights.
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Me and da Missus was out minding our own bidness and cruised to a stop light. I looked over and saw a late model Impala with a woman at the wheel. I dared not look too much or else I risked an elbow in the ribs by the Missus. Any who, a little ways up this here road on the right was the onramp for I-470 and I was in the left lane. No problem getting ahead of that lady, I thinks to myself. I takes off at a fast clip, shifts to second, and looks over. To my surprize that heavy Chevy is wide open throttle trying to prevent me from getting ahead. The Missus says sweetly, “Hunny, I think she’s trying to race ya.” Ole Yeller ain’t havin’ none of dat. I punch the loud pedal to the floor. Ole Yeller hits the boost like a drunk hittin’ Ripple wine and we zoom way ahead to make the onramp. Da Missus was giggling like a school girl the whole time.
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Ole Yeller was taking me home from a hard day of slavin' at da salt mines last week. I was just minding my own bidness at a red light listenin' to da stereo when I hear an ugly rev next to me. I looks up and spies a beater Ford Ranger pick ‘em up truck. Yep, da driver is looking my way with a chit eating grin on his mug. I’m thinking: this boy ain’t right. Da lights are on, but nobody’s home, if ya know what I mean. Da traffic light turns green and the Ranger tears off in a cloud of smoke. Not tire smoke, but stinky blue oil burning smoke from da exhaust. I start out easy in first gear, but Ole Yeller ain’t having none of dat. Next thing I know we be winding out in first and slamming second. Ole Yeller whooshes by the mangy Ranger like it was done sitting still. As we slow back down to a sensible pace, the Ranger slows down too. He won’t pull up next to me no mo. Reckon he was too embarrassed. Maybe he thought SS meant Super Slow?
---
Ole Yeller and I was smack dab in bumper to bumper traffic when dis Mustang poontang in da next lane starts actin' a fool. He mashed down on the gas to surge ahead for ten feet and almost bang into the car ahead of him. Then drop back even with me and done did it again. Like what was he thinkin'? He wants a 10 foot race? The Mustbehighstang only had a single exhaust, so it was a 6 banger Mustbeslowstang. Ole Yeller was chompin' at the bit to git a piece of him, but alas, no break in the traffic.
---
Ole Yeller got tuned yesterday and be feelin' a little froggy since she can smoke the tires in second gear now. On da way home, dis fancy pants Nissan Skyline passed us and then slowed down to take a look at Ole Yeller. Pretty little car, except for the performance stickers. Reckon that gives the Skyhooklineandsinker at least 20 more horsiepower. We be cruising along at 75 MPH on a four lane highway playing a game of tag with stickers. Too many Sunday drivers out on Saturday to get a clear run. So, Ole Yeller was disappointed again.
---
Yelp, tonight on the way back to home sweet home, I was sittin' at a stoplight when I heard a "thump thump thumpity thump" pull up next to me. I glanced over and saw a couple of the brothers from the hood had pulled up in the right lane next to me. They were cruising in a raggity Plymouth Dynasty, probably an early 90's model. They were grooving to something on their stereo and had dem subwoofers workin' overtime. The sound system was probably worth more then the car.
We was both lead cars at the stoplight and a block ahead the right lane ends. Now once in a blue moon, the car in dat right lane don't turn into the budget mart. No sir, once in a blue moon dey try to zip ahead because they is in a big azz hurry and think they is impotent. Da light turns green and they ease out slow and fooled me. I short shifted to second gear thinking the brothers were cool, but then they floored that piece of crapola. Made a terrible sound too.
They done caught me off guard a little and they pull a half a car length. But, Ole Yeller ain't having none of dat. It takes a split second of lag for the turbo to spool up and then I'm holdin' on tight as Ole Yeller spins the tires a bit and zooms off. Quicker than two shakes of a lamb's tail we catch and pass the gangsta rap brothers. My my, did they look surprized as a yellow flash went by. They dropped meekly in behind Ole Yeller. Gotta show 'em their place in the food chain.
---
Took Ole Yeller to the drag ‘em strip a couple times to see what she’d do back in the spring of 2009. Had one young feller ask if I had a pulley installed. Had to ‘splain to him dat turbos don’t need no blasted pulleys. He didn’t even know they made turbo Cobalt SS cars, claimed he thought it was a superdupercharger. Got to run a good ole boy in a tuned Sky Redline. He bogged a little at the line which cost him the race, but he still gave me a good run for my money. Kinda felt like a cannibal winning dat race tho.
Got paired up against a brand spankin’ new 2009 Mustang GT. We chewed da fat a little while waiting in the staging lanes. Told him I was running high 13's and he looked a bit green in the gills and said he was running bout the same with twice as many cylinders. Yep, Ole Yeller spanked that mudstain. He didn’t talk to me no mo after dat. Think he was poutin’ and wishin’ he had a Cobalt SS instead of a dime a dozen rustang.
Ole Yeller also done embarrassed a riced out Integra. Yum yum, rice for din din. Done pulled a couple of Greyhounddawg bus lengths on that gaudy fart-can not so fast and furious. Too soon, Junior.
Now den, I can’t tell no lie. Ole Yeller did get beat fair and square by one of those new Dodge-em Challenger SRT8. Generally, I think Mopar no car, but this feller had the driver mod and knew how to use dem extra cylinders. Yep, he done opened up a can of whoop azz on me. But, it didn't bother Ole Yeller too much.
Old Yeller and me lined up against a raggity loud Camaro that was all jacked up in the rear with big wide rear tires. I resisted the urge to tell the driver of the mulletmobile that the 1970's called and wanted their air shocks and wide oval tires back. I fumbled off the starting line like a noob while Mr. Camaro done pulled a holeshot to jump out to a big lead. Ole Yeller finally got some decent boost built up in second gear and started chasing that bad boy down. No lift shift into third gear and then Ole Yeller passed the moldy F-Body on the big end. The Camaro guy looked none too happy, but I let out a hee haw.
Got whipped another time by a nice 4th gen LS1 Camaro Z-28. Knowed I was in trouble when he did a smokey burnout on his drag radials. No shame gittin' beat by a 5.7 liter V8 when Old Yeller merely has 2.0 liters. Ran a respectable 13.7 ET as we chased those Z-28 taillights.
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Me and da Missus was out minding our own bidness and cruised to a stop light. I looked over and saw a late model Impala with a woman at the wheel. I dared not look too much or else I risked an elbow in the ribs by the Missus. Any who, a little ways up this here road on the right was the onramp for I-470 and I was in the left lane. No problem getting ahead of that lady, I thinks to myself. I takes off at a fast clip, shifts to second, and looks over. To my surprize that heavy Chevy is wide open throttle trying to prevent me from getting ahead. The Missus says sweetly, “Hunny, I think she’s trying to race ya.” Ole Yeller ain’t havin’ none of dat. I punch the loud pedal to the floor. Ole Yeller hits the boost like a drunk hittin’ Ripple wine and we zoom way ahead to make the onramp. Da Missus was giggling like a school girl the whole time.
Last edited by batboy; Feb 23, 2011 at 08:24 PM.
Had another little contest this evening on the way home from the salt mines. Just minding my own bidness listening to the news on the radio at a stop light when a newish blue Honduh Civic Si pulls up next to Ole Yeller. Always wondered to meself if Si meant stupid idiot? I look over and seen the driver giving me the hairy eyeball, you know what I mean. I be thinking, oh no, I best watch out. Dis guy is cruisin' for a bruisin'. Light turns green, we both roll out at a fast clip. I slip the shifter into second and give it jest enough gas to stay perfectly even with him, jest messin' with the Hon-dude, ya know. He finally can't take it no mo and I hear him windin' up the rubber band. Oh noes! His V-Tec is kickin' in, yo! I put da pedal to da metal. Oh noes, forgot to turn off traction control. I gets squirrely as torque steer kicks in, yo! The tires break loose a bit, but finally catch. Then I slam third gear and get into the boost. Buh bye Honduh. I resist throwin' on the hazards. Humiliated the Hon-dude hangs back lookin' as blue as his car, then finally turns off onto a side street. Mess with Ole Yeller and you'll git chomped!
Last edited by batboy; Dec 11, 2010 at 10:07 AM.
Got a couple more from last summertime. Da missus and me were just minding our own bidness on the interstate 4 lane. Old Yeller was on cruise control about 5 mph over da speeder limit. A big smelly Dodge-em Ram-em diesel pick-em up truck was dead ahead. I switched to the left lane and began passing da fool. As I pulled up door handle to door handle all of a sudden dat diesel started making a lot of noise and black coal smoke began spewing from da exhaust. Oh my, da redneck good ole boy didn't want me to pass him, I reckon. With a flick of da wrist, I dropped from 5th to 4th and nailed it. It was all over except his cryin' in a few seconds as Old Yeller squirted ahead. Da missus laughed and says, "Now what was dat all about?"
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One other time I'm minding my own bidness going home from da salt mines when I get next to a cutesy Vulturewagon new era buggaroo. If the window had been down, I might of told 'em that he had a nice cheerleader car. I reckon he must of read my mind, cause next thing I knowed we was racin'. Dat little beetle ran way better than I thought it would. I finally put him away midway through third gear, but not until dat buggy put up a tussle. Sort of had me wonderin' if Old Yeller was sick or sumthing. The kraut burner had enough and hung back fer a while. We done got mixed up into some traffic and I found my bad self behind the VW at a stop light. What did my wonderin' eye spy? An emblem dat said "turbocharged". Well, I'll be danged, never knowed some of them buggers had turbos.
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A little video of Old Yeller:
http://www.streetfire.net/video/2009...-ss_636277.htm
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One other time I'm minding my own bidness going home from da salt mines when I get next to a cutesy Vulturewagon new era buggaroo. If the window had been down, I might of told 'em that he had a nice cheerleader car. I reckon he must of read my mind, cause next thing I knowed we was racin'. Dat little beetle ran way better than I thought it would. I finally put him away midway through third gear, but not until dat buggy put up a tussle. Sort of had me wonderin' if Old Yeller was sick or sumthing. The kraut burner had enough and hung back fer a while. We done got mixed up into some traffic and I found my bad self behind the VW at a stop light. What did my wonderin' eye spy? An emblem dat said "turbocharged". Well, I'll be danged, never knowed some of them buggers had turbos.
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A little video of Old Yeller:
http://www.streetfire.net/video/2009...-ss_636277.htm
More commuter tales and battles of Ole Yeller.
Ole Yeller was haulin' me back to da salt mines early this morning. She was prancin' along, feelin' finer than the hair on a frog's butt. I done installed a ZZP downpipe and Clear Image charge pipes on the ole girl last weekend. Then yesterday, I done gave her a much needed bath to wash all the nasty road grime off. She was feelin' mighty pretty, I must say. Any who, we be mindin' our own bidness jest cruisin' along when dis 4 door full size family sedan tries to git ahead of us. I tell Ole Yeller to go easy 'cause we gots to git retuned after the adding da downpipe. She was poutin' and feelin' bad, so I gave her just enough gas to stay ahead of the grandpa car. He gives up easy and defers to Old Yeller's mightiness.
A few more blocks down the road and this here crossover thing pulls up beside us while we be waiting at a stop light. Y'all know what I'm talkin' about, a fugly illegitimate offspring freak from an illicit love affair between some soccer mom's minivan and some wimpy guy's SUV. The light turns green and I'm shocked when this crossover monstrosity hits the gas. I say, calm down Old Yeller, let it slide. But, she ain't havin' none of dat. We hit second and build up about 20 psi of boostaroo. The tires are slipping and the traction control light is a flashin'. Finally we catch traction and blow by the aberration. They meekly slow down and get into the lane behind us. Take dat you crossover mutant.
Ole Yeller was haulin' me back to da salt mines early this morning. She was prancin' along, feelin' finer than the hair on a frog's butt. I done installed a ZZP downpipe and Clear Image charge pipes on the ole girl last weekend. Then yesterday, I done gave her a much needed bath to wash all the nasty road grime off. She was feelin' mighty pretty, I must say. Any who, we be mindin' our own bidness jest cruisin' along when dis 4 door full size family sedan tries to git ahead of us. I tell Ole Yeller to go easy 'cause we gots to git retuned after the adding da downpipe. She was poutin' and feelin' bad, so I gave her just enough gas to stay ahead of the grandpa car. He gives up easy and defers to Old Yeller's mightiness.
A few more blocks down the road and this here crossover thing pulls up beside us while we be waiting at a stop light. Y'all know what I'm talkin' about, a fugly illegitimate offspring freak from an illicit love affair between some soccer mom's minivan and some wimpy guy's SUV. The light turns green and I'm shocked when this crossover monstrosity hits the gas. I say, calm down Old Yeller, let it slide. But, she ain't havin' none of dat. We hit second and build up about 20 psi of boostaroo. The tires are slipping and the traction control light is a flashin'. Finally we catch traction and blow by the aberration. They meekly slow down and get into the lane behind us. Take dat you crossover mutant.
Poor Ole Yeller ain't been seeing much action lately. Ole Yeller did get a few more bolt-on giddy-up go mods, like a ZZP downpipe and MPx intercooler. Me and BYT did a bunch of logging and tuning too. A recent trip to the dynamo resulted in Ole Yeller putting down 300 hp and 345 tq. Oh yeah, Ole Yeller is struttin' her stuff now.
This morning, during the boring commuter grind, we passed a Ford Focus. As Ole Yeller zoomed by, the driver of Fix-Or-Repair-Daily gave us a nasty, blood-shot, hairy eyeball look. Yep, looked like he was in a bad mood. Probably forgot his coffee or sumthing. Mr. Focus Pocus done started tailgatin' us like a dang fool. After a few blocks, I approach a stop light and the Focus whipped into the lane beside me to try and smoke-us. Light turns green and this Focus locust floored it. Ole Yeller jest laughs--har har. We run up through the gears playing with the bogus Focus staying a half length ahead of him the whole time jest to tease him. All the while he is gittin' madder than a wet hen. Finally he backs off. Soon, we get mixed into some traffic. Last I saw of doofus Focus, he was stuck behind a slow mo garbage truck. How fitting! Better drink two cups of coffee tomorrow.
This morning, during the boring commuter grind, we passed a Ford Focus. As Ole Yeller zoomed by, the driver of Fix-Or-Repair-Daily gave us a nasty, blood-shot, hairy eyeball look. Yep, looked like he was in a bad mood. Probably forgot his coffee or sumthing. Mr. Focus Pocus done started tailgatin' us like a dang fool. After a few blocks, I approach a stop light and the Focus whipped into the lane beside me to try and smoke-us. Light turns green and this Focus locust floored it. Ole Yeller jest laughs--har har. We run up through the gears playing with the bogus Focus staying a half length ahead of him the whole time jest to tease him. All the while he is gittin' madder than a wet hen. Finally he backs off. Soon, we get mixed into some traffic. Last I saw of doofus Focus, he was stuck behind a slow mo garbage truck. How fitting! Better drink two cups of coffee tomorrow.
Poor Ole Yeller ain't been seeing much action lately. Ole Yeller did get a few more bolt-on giddy-up go mods, like a ZZP downpipe and MPx intercooler. Me and BYT did a bunch of logging and tuning too. A recent trip to the dynamo resulted in Ole Yeller putting down 300 hp and 345 tq. Oh yeah, Ole Yeller is struttin' her stuff now.
This morning, during the boring commuter grind, we passed a Ford Focus. As Ole Yeller zoomed by, the driver of Fix-Or-Repair-Daily gave us a nasty, blood-shot, hairy eyeball look. Yep, looked like he was in a bad mood. Probably forgot his coffee or sumthing. Mr. Focus Pocus done started tailgatin' us like a dang fool. After a few blocks, I approach a stop light and the Focus whipped into the lane beside me to try and smoke-us. Light turns green and this Focus locust floored it. Ole Yeller jest laughs--har har. We run up through the gears playing with the bogus Focus staying a half length ahead of him the whole time jest to tease him. All the while he is gittin' madder than a wet hen. Finally he backs off. Soon, we get mixed into some traffic. Last I saw of doofus Focus, he was stuck behind a slow mo garbage truck. How fitting! Better drink two cups of coffee tomorrow.
This morning, during the boring commuter grind, we passed a Ford Focus. As Ole Yeller zoomed by, the driver of Fix-Or-Repair-Daily gave us a nasty, blood-shot, hairy eyeball look. Yep, looked like he was in a bad mood. Probably forgot his coffee or sumthing. Mr. Focus Pocus done started tailgatin' us like a dang fool. After a few blocks, I approach a stop light and the Focus whipped into the lane beside me to try and smoke-us. Light turns green and this Focus locust floored it. Ole Yeller jest laughs--har har. We run up through the gears playing with the bogus Focus staying a half length ahead of him the whole time jest to tease him. All the while he is gittin' madder than a wet hen. Finally he backs off. Soon, we get mixed into some traffic. Last I saw of doofus Focus, he was stuck behind a slow mo garbage truck. How fitting! Better drink two cups of coffee tomorrow.
u mean that fancy old bug catcher huh? i got one of those
Well, Ole Yeller finally ran up against a worthy opponent. We was jest minding our own bidness at a stoplight when I noticed the car next to me edging up in eagerness for the light to change. The light turned green and the car beside us immediately went WOT. Done caught me off guard a little, I reckon. No time to turn the traction control off and in the excitement I spun the tires badly starting out. I cursed the all season radials and cool pavement temps.
I hit second gear and spun some more. Feathered the throttle back a hair until Ole Yeller got some traction. The car was a surprising half a car length ahead. This car had some real gonads compared to most that challenge us. At this point, I had no clue what I was up against, just knew it was a smaller foreign sedan. By the top of second gear, we had reeled the car back in and were nose to nose. Slammed third and as boost built up, Ole Yeller pulled ahead. I saw BMW grills in my mirror.
Ah ha, a nice tasty snack of sourkraut. Later I looked up online to see what we were up against and it appears to be a 3-series BMW. Gotta watch out for them sneaky German cars. Glad we managed to put that overpriced Bavarian back into its rightful place.
I hit second gear and spun some more. Feathered the throttle back a hair until Ole Yeller got some traction. The car was a surprising half a car length ahead. This car had some real gonads compared to most that challenge us. At this point, I had no clue what I was up against, just knew it was a smaller foreign sedan. By the top of second gear, we had reeled the car back in and were nose to nose. Slammed third and as boost built up, Ole Yeller pulled ahead. I saw BMW grills in my mirror.
Ah ha, a nice tasty snack of sourkraut. Later I looked up online to see what we were up against and it appears to be a 3-series BMW. Gotta watch out for them sneaky German cars. Glad we managed to put that overpriced Bavarian back into its rightful place.
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