my girlfriend lost a really good friend about a year ago....and from time to tim she thinks about him and gets really upset and cries and stuff.....now i understand that shes upset and lost someone so close to her....and i try to comfort her as much as possible....i get upset when she gets like this concernign that subject....and then she tells me im being selfish and ununderstanding.....am i?.....i think that somewhat have a right to be upset when she gets that way....what do you all think?

 

totally depends.. i'd have to be there to know how bad she is getting..

if she is still freaking out like crazy after a year, then ya.. she may need some help

if its just every now and then sadness.. its toally undersandable and you should give her time to just deal with the situation without getting mad.

 

woops i completely posted this in the wrong section.....mods feel free to move it

 

ehh...your girlfriend is your cobalt right?

then, no it's in the right section.



i don't know, my girlfriend lost her mom a little over two years ago. i'd say that it took her about 1.5 years to even visit her grave. she would get down occasionally and let it all out. it is just important to be there for her, give her all the support she needs.

if her break downs are affecting her life then it might be a good idea to see other help.



for her sake and yours, i hope it all works out.

 

to be honest, id run now, chicks with alot of baggage usually isnt good

 

no **** i know it aitn in the right section.....yea were pretty much ok on it now so i duno....

 

Dumb ass! All chicks come with "baggage". No one out there is perfect and some of us are bothered by certain things that happen in their lives more then others. Someone you care about is upset so you run away? Its a cowards way out and it won't make you feel very good after you do it.

I know exactly what your talking about mike25 because I've been experiencing a similar situation with my gf. She recently lost a very close family member and it is very upsetting for her to talk about it. She has alot of saddness and anger. Hold her when she cries and talk to her about it, she might freak out, but it is good for people to get their frustrations out before it becomes deeply rooted in their soul and they can't shake it.

When its all said and done she'll probably start to come around after talking and stuff. If she realizes that you helped her you'll be in for some good times when the clock strikes midnight .

 

great post, and +rep for you.

 

losing someone close to you is like losing a part of you. I lost a friend in High School in a very tragic accident...there were a lot of non answered questions, what ifs and regrets when it happened...so coping with it was hard because i didnt know how. I couldnt even say goodbye...and to this day i regret not making peace with him at his funeral.
The healing process is tough..its something that takes a long time, possibly an entire lifetime. thoughts and memories of that person bring back happiness and when you realize there are no more of those moments, depression insues.
You cant expect someone to just forget the relationship they had with someone just because that person is not here. They will always be a part of that person..its like having a friend move away...or breaking up with your sweetheart...it hurts, and it crushes you. and women are probably 100 xs more emotional...

As her BF and best friend, you need to remind her to celebrate the life of her friend and that her friend would have wanted her to go on with her life remembering but not dwelling on his/her passing. help her grieve in a healthy way otherwise she will go into a deep depression like i did. Help her to realize that life goes on...but never push her to get over it...she will resent you for doing so.
**** im almost in tears just typing this.

 

badg1rl hit it right on the nose with what to do. Be there to support her, to be that shoulder to cry on when she needs it. Women NEVER forget anything, and she will always remember how you were there for her when she needed someone there the most. That speaks volumes in its own right.

What would you rather her remember you as? The ******* who does not care when someone close to her dies, or the guy who was there when she needed you the most?

 

Whatever you do DON'T force her to quit letting her emotions out. If it bothers you, discuss that but tell her you understand her need to mourn the loss of her friend. A year after the death of a truly good friend is NOTHING. I lost some good friends in 9th grade and it really wasn't until 2 1/2 years later that I could go a while without thinking about them. I lost another friend in Iraq almost 4 years ago and it's STILL hard sometimes.

The reason you need to just let her get her emotions out is that grief is a process. Look up Kubler-Ross' stages of grief - here's a pretty simple explaination: http://www.memorialhospital.org/libr...ess-THE-3.html. She needs to work through it on her own, without the pressure to move on more quickly than she's ready to.

What you CAN do though is you can talk with her about how YOU feel when she goes into one of her crying moods. Tell her you want to be there for her, but you're upset and frustrated because you can't fully understand what she's feeling. See if she'd be open to another activity that would let her let out her feelings. Buy her a journal and have her write whenever she starts feeling sad. Can be anything to what she's feeling about her friend to writing letters to the person to writing down what she thinks she and/or the friend would be doing if he were still alive. In theory, that should take the heat off of you. She can get her feelings out on paper and you don't have to search for a way to understand or be supportive of her and her feelings. Or suggest she take up an activity that she does ONLY when she's upset.

 

+1 rep for everyone with helpful info....and yea i know i cant push her along...i have told her i understand that she lost him and that she needs to grieve over him and that she cant hold onto him forever and that he would want her to move on...for the most part she is doing alot better with it....just i get upset when she crie about him because i hate seeing her cry

 

It's tough. Like I said, my friend who died 4 years ago (will be 4 years August 18th) still gets me sometimes. I just remember all the stuff we used to do in high school, all the times I was at his house hanging out with his sister and stuff. It's hard, especially when it's someone you always imagined you'd see. His sis just sent me his son's preschool graduation picture (his son was 1 year old when he died) and it was just weird for him not to be in the picture. I think the worst though right now is a very, very good friend of mine from high school who was murdered my freshman year of college. Guy burnt his house down hoping to kill the girl who lived downstairs, but instead my friend died. I hadn't thought about him for YEARS until I started working where I do now....I can see the foundation of the house he was killed in from my office building - it's only a half a block away!!!!!!

So it'll be a LONG time before she can go without getting choked up or upset just thinking about him. Does she talk to anyone else that knew him? Particularly a very close friend or family member. Sometimes that helps as well. And as each person starts to move on and get on with their daily lives it often times helps their other friends do the same.

 

yea she has friends....primarily one...that still talks about it...but this friend of hers always brings him up....finds a way to fit him in every convo.....personally i dont thionk thats helping i think thats hurting.....i think her friend should let the past be the past....not forget him ....but let it come to rest

 

Dude you are an A$$, what if you lost someone close and your girl tells you grow some *****. Apparently u havent lost someone close to you.