Rusty

if you are from NJ, I dare you to read this and NOT laugh!

New Jersey Driving Instructions


1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident New Jersey Driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.

4. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it, and it will result in your being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with PA, NY or Del plates. With no insurance, the other Operator probably has nothing to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in New Jersey during rush hour.

9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a New York driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. New Jersey is the home of high-speed slalom-driving thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.

12. It is tradition in New Jersey to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is Important to exit your vehicle thru the windshield right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

14. Remember that the goal of every New Jersey driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

15. In New Jersey, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. This gesture should always be returned.


Thank You,
The New Jersey Department of Motor Vehicles

Cobalt443

so true....so very, very true

savior

this is what i've learned from living in morristown

Yeild signs dont mean anythin

stop signs mean yeild

and an accident on the side of the road means stop (to rubberneck of course)

DTM2188

That's hilarious. I especially like #12. LOL

eastcoastz

OMG thats word for word Nj!! I drive all day in Nj traffic and this is 100% accurate.

Crazypolak00

that is great...i strongly beilive in #2 and 8...lol

Dman

hahahaah

i went up there last easter and rode up the turnpike to the city with my friend, GEEEBUS you people know exactly where your bumper starts and the other person's bumper ends...i told my buddy he was gonna have to get some kung fu grip proof handles in that thing if i couldnt close my eyes. but now i drive just like him...lol

YoAdrian

That pretty much sums up Atlanta driver's too.

Freakin Hilarious.

snowbred

sad but true... i couldnt agree more with 11... my girlfriend yells at me because i almost give her whiplash... im trying really hard to take care of the rims, so far so good *knock on wood*

ted5986

this all states perfectly what goes on every time i got for a drive.

memphisr24

I see all of this every single day of my life. Gotta love NJ.

savior

NJ keeps me on my toes.. if you can drive in NJ, you can drive anywhere

mikekoz

gotta love this state.

memphisr24

Seriously, when I go to my house in Walton NY, DAMN. Open roads with barely ANY traffic. Twisty roads as well makes it fun. There's only like 2 or 3 cops in my town as well with like one cop car lol.